Get Your Instant Happy Fix Here!

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Ellen Leave a comment

Many people don’t realize it, but our happiness has very little to do with our current external circumstances. Happiness is an internal mindset, and each of us has the ability to instantly increase our level of happiness, simply by what we choose to think about and focus on.

You may be ill or in pain, but if you choose to think that it’s possible for your pain or illness to subside, that a cure is coming, that there are things that you can do to improve your health, and that you will be well again, that thought is increasing your level of happiness in that moment, just by thinking it.

If you are sitting in a long meeting, feeling bored, you can decide to focus instead on thinking about what things might make for a more interesting and productive meeting in the future, then you are lifting yourself out of boredom by focusing on something positive. And the only thing you changed was what you were thinking about.

If you are approaching another birthday, and find yourself thinking that you have not yet accomplished as much as other people at this point – ho hum job, no relationship, unreliable car and you are 20 pounds overweight – instead, remember that this is a new starting point for you. You are alive, you have a job, and you have a car, and you have a body, and that you have the ability to start from this point and make small or large strides to move towards whatever makes you happy. Rather than looking backwards and see what you lack and what you haven’t accomplished, instead, look forward and celebrate your potential! As they say “today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Isn’t that a happier thought?

Even if nothing is wrong in your life, and everything is just fine, you can become happier right now, just by what you are doing or thinking about. So for your Instant Happy Fix, here are a few ideas that might increase your current level of happiness:

- Think of your favorite living family members or children, or friends, and remember how happy you are to have them in your life.

- Think of a beautiful place that you’ve been on a beautiful day. Remember how inspired you were to be there in that moment. Make a decision to go back there someday or soon.

- Remember a time when you mastered something that had previously been difficult for you. When you learned how to ride a bike. When you got your high school diploma or college degree. When you saved enough money to be able to buy a car. When you got your mother or father to laugh. You did it! There are tons of examples of things that you actually accomplished that you may now take for granted. Stop taking them for granted. Be thankful that you are a capable person who has already successfully accomplished many things. There are more to experiences like that to come.

- Drink a glass of water. Experience the cool, refreshing taste in your mouth and the feeling as the water moves into your body. By drinking a glass of water, you are nourishing your body and bringing it more health. Like a day of rain nourishes the forest and brings wildflowers in the spring. You are doing something good for yourself. Just by drinking a glass of water.

- Listen to your breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. How many breaths do you take per minute? Take some deep, long breaths in and out. Maybe try to hold your breath for 30 seconds or as long as you want. Isn’t it great that you can breathe? The air you breathe is very much like that glass of water. It nourishes your body. And you do it all the time without even thinking about it. But the fact that you are breathing, means that you are alive. And be grateful for your breath, and that you are alive.

All you have to do to get your Happy Fix, is to think of something – or anything at all – that makes you happy or reminds you of happiness. It will instantly make you a little happier, right now.

PTD

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Happy Mothers Day, Earth

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Ellen Leave a comment

Today is Earth Day. Earth Day is sort of like Mothers Day. It’s a day when you are really nice to your Mom, let her sleep in, serve her breakfast in bed or take her out to brunch and a walk in the park. You might give her a gift like a new robe or a trip to a Spa, where she can be pampered for a day. But instead of doing nice things for your Mother, on Earth Day you are extra nice to the Earth. You turn off your lights and non-essential electrical appliances. You spend some time at the beach picking up trash. You donate some money to the National Parks. You ride the bus to work instead of driving your car. You plant a tree. You buy a cup of Free Trade sustainably grown coffee.

All of these are great things to do to celebrate Earth Day. And it’s important that we remember how lucky we are to live on such a beautiful planet that supports us, feeds us, shelters us, and inspires us. For all of Earth’s treasures, I am deeply grateful.

So my desire on this day, is not to just be nice to the Earth for one special day every year, but to be nicer to the Earth on every day of the year. Do all of the nice things today that you planned on doing. And then keep on doing more things like that, that continue to make a difference day after day, year after year. Here are some ideas:
- Energy-saving home improvements: Install low-flow toilets and water-saving showerheads. Let your lawn go brown during the dry season. Install better windows and home insulation to reduce your heating expenditures. Buy energy-conserving appliances (refigerators, microwaves, computers). Replace your regular light bulbs with the energy-conserving ones. Turn your lights off when you leave rooms.
- Transportation: Take the bus or public transit to work every day, or carpool. Read a book or catch up on work or correspondence when you are not driving. Or just enjoy the company of your fellow travelers and make it an enjoyable experience.
- If you are into fitness, maybe take your bike to work or run to work. Maybe there’s a shower in your building or at a nearby gym. Combining taking care of yourself, with taking care of the Earth, and using your commute time for both is win-win-win!
- When you are at the store, buy items in bulk and/or in recyclable packaging. Some stores will now only carry concentrated laundry detergent – so you use less detergent, and you dispose of fewer bottles or boxes. Bring your own reusable bags to the grocery store instead of using their plastic or brown paper bags.
- Buy organic, free-range, locally-produced and sustainably-grown products. I like knowing that my chicken had a very happy life, and just one bad day. I like knowing that my strawberries and lettuce don’t contain pesicides. I like knowing that *some* of my food was produced locally and didn’t need to be transported from another state or another continent to reach me. And for the food that traveled to me from another place, I like knowing that the farmer who grew it is able to live a healthy, happy life.
- Recycle and reuse. I live in a city with a good recycling program. I separate my plastic and glass from my paper and carboard. We also have a Recycling center that will take oil and household chemicals, and a center that will take your old computers, cell phones and electronics. One of these places will take your old refrigerators and major appliances. Don’t hire a junk man to take away your stuff without finding out first where he is going to dump it. Make sure he’s taking it to a place that will recycle and reuse your unwanted stuff – or at least make sure that it’s going to an actual legal dump, and not being tossed over a ravine at the side of a lonely road. I hate it when I’m hiking through the woods, and then I find a toilet or a refridgerator that was tossed over the side of the road where they thought nobody would see it. Ugh.
- Post your unwanted things for “FREE” on Craigslist. A lot of people want the stuff that you don’t want and will take it away “as is”. Maybe you can’t figure out how to fix that coffeemaker or stabilize that bookshelf – but someone else will be handy and know what to do.
- Pick up trash and litter, even other people’s trash and litter. Let’s not turn a blind eye and become accustomed to ignoring litter. Of course, throw away your own trash. But also pick up other trash and throw it out too. If we all picked up more trash and litter, we’d set a good example to others and gradually, there would be less and less litter on the streets.

Lastly, “Share the Earth.” It’s like the signs that say “Share the Road.” You and I are not the only people who are passing through this way, and using this water, or this trail, or breathing this air. We have a responsibility to the Earth and to each other to leave things in as good condition, or better condition than we found them. We should show our Mothers that we love them, not just on Mothers Day, but every day. We should show the Earth that we love it, not just on Earth Day, but every day.

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A Funeral and a Wedding

Posted on April 21, 2011 by Ellen Leave a comment

In my previous post, I talked about a dear friend of mine, Sue (Susie) Adams, who died in January after a long battle with Scleroderma, a degenerative disease that affects the connective tissue. She was just 53. Her death was foreseeable, but no less tragic and painful for her family and everyone who knew her. But that’s not the end of the story. It never is.

Even though Susie’s life came to an early end, her family and friends live on and we’re so grateful to have known her and to have had her in our lives. Her Memorial Service in Fort Mill, SC was a celebration of her life. Most of her family and friends were there, with so many photos and great memories to share of our time together with Susie. I reconnected with Susie’s Mom, Dad, Brother and Sisters, all of whom now have their own kids. I reconnected with Susie’s husband, Tom, and her 3 children, Josh, Noah and Hannah. And I met a lot of new people, Susie’s good friends, and members of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, friends who met often for brunches and family events over the course of over 20 years since Susie and Tom moved to South Carolina. We were all very happy to get together and celebrate Susie’s life. There were tears, but there was also a lot of laughter, because Susie and her family were always a really fun bunch. That will never change.

A few month’s later, Susie’s son Noah married his beautiful fiance, Alex, in a wonderful ceremony in Temecula, California, which is one of Southern California’s best wine-growing areas. It was a beautiful sunny day. All of the immediate family members were there, plus friends from South Carolina and Texas and other places. It was a time of love and joy. And a new beginning for Noah and Alex. Susie was there, too, and remembering her life and love for everyone was part of the event. I was so grateful to be there and to enjoy that special day with them all.

A life may end, but life goes on. And we must cherish every day we have on Earth and all of the wonderful friends and family we have in our lives. All life is a wonderful miracle. So let’s enjoy it!

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Funeral, Life and Death, Wedding

What Does Your Obituary Say?

Posted on January 7, 2011 by Ellen Leave a comment

A very dear friend of mine died two days ago after a long struggle with Scleroderma, “a chronic connective tissue disease generally classified as one of the autoimmune rheumatic diseases.” In recent years, her condition rapidly worsened and she had other health problems as well. In the last several weeks, she was in a lot of pain, so at least now the pain is gone and she can rest peacefully. But wow, she is gone way too soon.

Susie and I were childhood friends and playmates. As we grew up and I moved away, we stayed in touch, wrote each other letters and silly postcards, talked about boys and dating and much more. She was a devoted wife and mother of three, and even a grandmother. She was a gourmet cook and she loved to laugh. She was a very loving and generous person, and I consider myself very lucky to have had her in my life. Everyone who knew her feels that way.

When someone your own age dies young, it can shock you into remembering your own mortality. We’re all going to die sometime. What if I didn’t live to be a spry old woman? What if I was in an accident and died tomorrow? What is my legacy? What have I yet to do on this Earth before I return to dust?

As Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. said over a hundred years ago – “alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.” What contributions to the world have I yet to make? What stories have I yet to share? What songs have I yet to sing? I have so much more that I want to do and I “better get cracking” before it’s too late. That’s one of the things Susie’s death makes me remember. I want to make sure that I have given out everything that I have to give to the world, before it’s my turn to rest.

Have you thought about what your obituary will say? Are you ready for it to be written? How do you want to be remembered? Now is a good time to start thinking about that – and making sure that you’re on your way to making it true.

If you’re interested in reading Susie’s online obituary, it’s at http://www.wolfefuneralhome.com/index.cfm

In lieu of flowers, Susie’s family has suggested that people make donations to the Scleroderma Foundation at http://www.scleroderma.org.

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Obituaries, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Scleroderma

Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Ellen Leave a comment

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life
you’ve imagined.

– Henry David Thoreau

If you have dreams for 2011, now is the time to write them down.
Then start moving in the direction of your dreams.
Dreams do not usually come true overnight, but they do come true over time,
if you keep your dreams clearly in your vision.
Happy New Year to All and keep thinking POSITIVE!

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Happy New Year, Henry David Thoreau

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Ellen Leave a comment

I’m a big fan of Google Books. This free service allows you to sample large excerpts from books – and you can then decide if you want to buy the book or not.

Here’s a book from Dale Carnegie that I’ve sampled, a link to the Google Book page, and an excerpt on “How to Eliminate 50% of your Business Problems.”

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

Here is Leon Shimkin’s experience in his own words:

“For fifteen years I spent almost half of every business day holding conferences, discussing problems. Should we do this or that-do nothing at all? We would get tense; twist in our chairs; walk the floor; argue and go around in circles. When night came, I would be utterly exhausted. I fully expected to go on doing this sort of thing for the rest of my life. I had been doing it for fifteen years, and it never occurred to me that there was a better way of doing it. If anyone had told me that I could eliminate three-fourths of all the time I spent in those worried conferences, and three-fourths of my nervous strain-I would have thought he was a wild-eyed, slap-happy, armchair optimist. Yet I devised a plan that did just that. I have been using this plan for eight years. It has performed wonders for my efficiency, my health, and my happiness.

“It sounds like magic-but like all magic tricks, it is extremely simple when you see how it is done.

“Here is the secret: First, I immediately stopped the procedure I had been using in my conferences for fifteen years-a procedure that began with my troubled associates reciting all the details of what had gone wrong, and ending up by asking: ‘What shall we do?’ Second, I made a new rule-a rule that everyone who wishes to present a problem to me must first prepare and submit a memorandum answering these four questions:

“Question 1: What is the problem?

(“In the old days we used to spend an hour or two in a worried conference without anyone’s knowing specifically and concretely what the real problem was. We used to work ourselves into a lather discussing our troubles without ever troubling to write out specifically what our problem was.)

“Question 2: What is the cause of the problem?

(“As I look back over my career, I am appalled at the wasted hours I have spent in worried conferences without ever trying to find out clearly the conditions which lay at the root of the problem.)

“Question 3: What are all possible solutions of the problem?

(“In the old days, one man in the conference would suggest one solution. Someone else would argue with him. Tempers would flare. We would often get clear off the subject, and at the end of the conference no one would have written down all the various things we could do to attack the problem.)

“Question 4: What solution do you suggest?

(“I used to go into a conference with a man who had spent hours worrying about a situation and going around in circles without ever once thinking through all possible solutions and then writing down: ‘This is the solution I recommend.’)

“My associates rarely come to me now with their problems. Why? Because they have discovered that in order to answer these four questions they have to get all the facts and think their problems through. And after they have done that they find, in three-fourths of the cases, they don’t have to consult me at all, because the proper solution has popped out like a piece of bread popping out from an electric toaster. Even in those cases where consultation is necessary, the discussion takes about one-third the time formerly required, because it proceeds along an orderly, logical path to a reasoned conclusion.

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Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

In Thanks to the French

Posted on July 14, 2010 by Ellen Leave a comment


July 14 is Bastille Day – or French Independence Day – France’s version of the Fourth of July. It celebrates the storming of the Bastille, a fortress-prison, and the citizens rising up against the Monarchy (Louis XIV) and the beginning of a new democracy. This all happened in 1789 – just 13 years after the American Revolution and the Declaration of Independence.

So in honor of Bastille Day, I’d like to thank the French for all of their great contributions to the world. Here are just a few:

- Marcel Marceau (1923-2007) Famous French Mime (pictured above) who could entertain and make us smile – without saying a word.

- Ballet – the beautiful dance form.

- Edith Piaf, the compelling French chanteuse.

- Julia Child and the Art of French Cooking. Julia was American, not French, but she studied at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris and brought French cooking to the masses. Bon Apetit!

- Maurice Chevalier (1888 – 1972), Popular French Actor and Singer, best remembered for his role in the movie, “Gigi” where he sang “The Night They Invented Champagne”, “Thank Heaven For Little Girls” and many other great songs. I loved his accent! For that matter – I love all French accents. So dreamy!

- French Wine. I particularly like the red wines from the Bordeaux region and the Rhone Valley, including Chateau Neuf Du Papes.

- Butter. Cooking with butter. Butter makes everything taste better. I’m not saying that the French invented butter, but they certainly know how to use it!

I’m sure there are many more wonderful people and things that came from France. This list is just a start.

Viva La France!

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Bastille Day, France, Marcel Marceau

Embrace the New

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Ellen Leave a comment

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

- Alan Cohen, Author and Life Coach

Ultrarunner Catra Corbett brought this quote to my attention, and it resonates. Here’s my take. We sometimes cling to familiar places, relationships, jobs and habits, not because they are what’s good for us, but because we are afraid or hesitant to see what else is out there or possible for us. We slide into our day to day existence, and get comfortable with it. Most of us are not looking for change – and are not ready for change. But change happens. Change is the natural way of things. Resisting change is pointless. But it doesn’t mean that we are powerless. We can influence the course of the change. We have the ability to move change in the direction of things that matter to us – towards things that make us happy. Accepting change does not mean that we are releasing any responsibility for the directions it takes us. We are constantly steering our way down the road of life, and have the ability to choose to turn down one road or another. What we cannot change is change itself. Change will happen. How and where we steer our way through the change is very much up to each of us. So let’s enjoy where we are today, but look forward to the changes tomorrow will bring.

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Alan Cohen, change

It is not the critic who counts….

Posted on July 6, 2010 by Ellen Leave a comment

I recently came upon this quote from US President Teddy Roosevelt in 1910. I think it applies to many situations and efforts we may embark upon. I know many people who embark on journeys towards worthy goals. Some of them succeed, while others may fall short – this time. But they try, try again. And eventually, most of them succeed, but if they don’t, I still admire them because they tried. If you reach for the stars – you may or may not succeed. But if you don’t reach for the stars – you will certainly never get there.

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt in 1910

And here is a first-hand account from Alan Geraldi, an ultra-runner who ran this year’s Western States 100 mile Endurance Run – and got most of the way there – but had foot problems that slowed him down so much that the sweepers caught up with him. It was a magnificent effort though! A few of my friends – Jan Soderqvist and Mike Palmer – completed the race successfully, while many runners like Alan Geraldi and Catra Corbett had troubles that day. But they will no doubt try again!

http://endurazone.blogspot.com/2010/07/western-states-100-mile-endurance-run.html

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It is not the critic who counts, Teddy Roosevelt, Western States 100 Endurance Run

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Posted on July 3, 2010 by Ellen Leave a comment

As we all know, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

An athlete gets cancer. A mother with 3 kids gets in a car accident. You trip while you are jogging and hit your head on the pavement. You pet a dog and it bites you. You miss your plane connection. A bully decides to make you the butt of his jokes. The list goes on.. Sometimes, it seems like so many bad things in a row are happening to you and you wonder, what else could possibly go wrong now?

Well, that’s what this week has been like for me. Except that my cancer scare happened 10 years ago, and I have been cancer free ever since. And my past car accidents have been minor fender benders, with nobody getting hurt. Knock on wood. A dog didn’t bite me this week – but I did a good deed and someone accused me of having evil motives. I did trip while running this week and hit my head on the pavement, and went to the Emergency Room just to make sure I didn’t end up like Natasha Richardson. The bruises are small and I’m totally OK. But it was scary. And a bully did make fun of my accident and thinks he’s being hilarious. The point is, a lot of bad things seemed to happen to me this week, and they totally took me off guard. I wasn’t looking for trouble, but trouble found me. Did I attract these bad things? Or did these things all just happen by accident?

Well, since I was involved in all of these situations, they all have “me” in common. Did I attract bad luck? I think the answer is – I attracted all of these things – and it’s up to me to “interpret” them as “good” or “bad.”

- Yes, I had cancer 10 years ago, but I but I beat it!
- Yes, I’ve had minor car accidents. But they were minor. And I have good insurance.
- Yes, I once pet a dog, and it bit me. But I pet a lot of dogs, and most dogs love me! So what if one little pooch turned out to be paranoid and bit me. That’s just 1 in 100 dogs. Most dogs give me a thumbs up!
- Yes, I tripped while running and hit my head. But I had the good sense to go to the Emergency Room to make sure I was OK, and now feel relieved that all is well.
- Yes, I tried to do a good deed, that a stranger has interpreted as quite the opposite. But that person doesn’t know me, and what they think shouldn’t matter to me. I have to choose to not focus on this person’s reaction.
- Yes, there’s a bully in one of my running groups, who likes to make me the butt of his jokes. My accident gave him more material. He had a ball making fun of me – he thinks he’s just soooo funny. I’ve ignored him and other people are getting sick of him, too. He wants to get a reaction out of people, because it feeds him. So I ignore him, and he tries to make fun of something else to get a reaction from other people. It’s tiresome. But I choose not to let him stop me from being part of this group and enjoying my interactions with other people. I am in charge of my reaction. This is a great opportunity to learn how to be more patient and less reactive.

So were these things really “bad” things? Or just things that I can choose to see as “good” or “bad” or “something inbetween” ? It’s my interpretation of these events that matters, more than anything else.

What’s in the past, is in the past. I cannot change what happened. All I can change is my attitude about what happened. Life goes on. Things keep on happening. I have to keep on focusing mostly on what “good” came out of each situation, even if the “good” was that I learned how to avoid the “bad” next time.

No matter what happens, it’s all up to me how to interpret it – good, bad or other.

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